Ray Tian, 21
Q: Who are you?
A: Hello, my name is Ray and I am 21 years old. I am an art student at The Art Center located in Pasadena, CA. I would describe myself as an ambivert, meaning I am neither an introvert nor an extrovert. I think being an ambivert can be seen as being convenient in certain social situations. For example, if I am at a party, there is a limit to how much I want to socialize and when I am alone, I can get easily bored and usually get drained pretty quickly.
Q: What has been your biggest struggle and if you feel comfortable, can you share it?
A: I would say I struggle with self image, more specifically body dysmorphia. In addition, I also have difficulties with confidence and toxic masculinity.
Q: Why do you think these aspects of your life were difficult for you?
A: My parents had a perfect outlook on me which was hard for me when I was growing up. When you hear something is true to your parents, you have to live up to those standards even if you know perfection is not attainable. My family did not have any boundaries or a filter when parenting. For example, when I was a little kid, I spilled milk at the dinner table and I felt scared because I knew that my parents would retaliate against me.
Q: Did that affect your outlook on life and/or did it affect your relationships with others?
A: Those situations have made my life difficult because everything has a risk and the assumption of failure is always there. I would say this way of thinking has affected everything in my life, big or small. I want to change how I look but I also know that my parents accept my current image and I fear that if I were to change anything that, others around me would not view such changes to be good enough or that I am undeserving of them.
Q: Do you think this event had an impact on your mental health?
A: Yes, I have had a hard time talking about my mental health struggles because I think others do not want to hear it or that they will not care. I don’t like to share about my personal struggles because I fear that my openness will only make the situation worse for those around me because they will start to internalize what I said. I am not changing but slowly shifting and learning how to analyze these issues. I do not agree with how my parents treated me but I can also understand why they would punish me in the way they did.
Q: How have you learned to cope or how will you cope?
A: I find comfort in talking to my boss because our relationship has come a long way. I view my boss as someone who is very stable within his mental health because he had the support I was missing. We have gone through similar situations and I find that he can help me through challenges I am currently facing. My boss understands the privilege and support system he had and that helps me to realize that no matter what I decide to share, I know that my problems will not affect him. Knowing that my struggles will not interfere with him makes me feel more comfortable opening up.
I also tend to view myself at the bottom of the totem pole in all situations, the only exception would be when I was in therapy.
Q: What specifically has helped you overcome/work towards bettering yourself?
A: Being around people helps me to not feel as if I am alone and distracts me from the hierarchy that I feel. The more comfortable I am with people, the more I can allow myself to open up. In addition, I find helping people with their problems is a way for me to feel good about myself. Being able to be there for others not only helps me feel worthy but also gives people comfort because I can relate to them. Honestly, what I find to be the most helpful is talking with people who I trust. Verbalizing my thoughts really helps me to hear and to organize my thoughts.
“When you lay out your problems you become a bystander to them. When you become a bystander to your own life, it puts everything into perspective and you are able to view everything clearly”.
Q: What work do you think still needs to be done?
A: There is always work that needs to be done. I could be nicer to myself and work on not putting myself at the bottom of the pile. I think part of the work that needs to be done rests in the hands of the mental healthcare professionals. I want to see more stable therapy with clear information about intakes and offered packages.
Q: Have you figured out what works for you? Why or why not?
A: I have found that being more open about my mind and thoughts works for me. Although, I have not figured it all out yet. On the other hand, I find myself getting distracted with my own negative thoughts. I noticed that I can gaslight myself. It may seem strange to think about but it is true, oftentimes I can make myself believe that I am not good enough or I will imagine that my problems and hand struggles are no longer real.
Q: What is one positive aspect from your situation that you would like to share?
A: I would say becoming more aware about mental health issues, the more you learn how to analyze your situations the better off you will be. Acceptance from others is another huge positive aspect that helped me move through life. I think that understanding triggers and what to avoid is a step in the right direction as well. I found that expression through art helps me to humanize fear and doubts that I carry. Being an art student, I tend to use art as an outlet.
Q: One negative aspect from your situation that helped you learn/grow?
A: After graduating high school I was going through a tough time. I was broken up with, I dropped out of college and spent 3 years in self isolation. The pandemic gave me an excuse to isolate myself and to stay at home comfortably. I felt as if the end was near and had nothing to live for. Staying in that bubble, of pretending to be okay and hitting rock bottom made me think introspectively. After being at my absolute lowest, it taught me how to look at things from a different perspective and to be more analytical about my decision making.
Q: Would you change anything from your past?
A: I do not regret any of the dark times I went through because while I know it was a different path than I had planned, it helped me grow. Today I carry the understanding, the values and the knowledge during that time and I can feel proud looking back on how far I have come. I do, however, wish that I started taking my mental health more seriously as a child. I felt like I had to grow up fast–mentally and emotionally–during my childhood.
Q: What are your thoughts about Mental Health and the stigma around therapy?
A: If you have the ability to think, mental health affects you. Every single person has something they are going through and having struggles does not mean you are weak. Mental health is a part of you, everyone. No one is perfect because mental health is an aspect of everyday life. It does not matter if you are a professional athlete, a student or a doctor, mental health is in all of us and we need to learn how to deal with our issues in a healthy way. Mental health is about maintaining healthy habits. I think everyone should have a therapist to share the good or bad moments that life throws at us.
Therapy should be as normal as seeing your primary health care physician. It is not being taken seriously and the idea of mental wellness should be more widespread to eliminate the stigma and scary feelings that surround it. The hope is to have mental health and therapy to be a household topic so it does not seem so out of reach or unpopular. Mental health does not discriminate, and neither should you.
Q: How do you feel about this interview in general, helpful? Or did it bring up dark memories?
A: It was nice opening up and talking about what I struggle with because you are never cured, because healing is a constant.
The interview was done by Katie Distaso.
