By Jett Magalong
“Completely and totally accepting something from the depths of your soul, with your heart and your mind.” – Marsha Linehan, Creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Everyday, people are battling with depression, anxiety, unresolved traumas, and many other mental health conditions in silence. The stigma, social expectations and peers’ judgements make it even harder as they internalize all the negative feelings and take all the blame on themselves. Some may have tried to talk about what they are going through but get brushed off and seen as weak-minded by those who do not understand.
For most people, it is not easy to share that they struggle with mental illness. The stigma that surrounds this highly sensitive medical topic induces fears of rejection and humiliation. Unfortunately, this often results in feelings of self-hatred and self-blame as individuals begin to judge themselves harshly for their emotions. For those suffering from mental health conditions, it can be helpful to use a few gentle reminders to reduce self-critical thoughts.
Those with various mental health conditions may be left thinking:
“ I am worthless.”
“Why would I cry over nothing?”
“My stupid mood swings are giving people a hard time.”
or “ I don’t deserve happiness.”
Self-blame can take on many forms including blaming oneself for their own failure or directing blame on one’s own emotions and behaviors.
Overcoming Self-Blame Behaviors
Self-forgiveness can be the key to easing self blame; here is a list of ways to overcome this negative behavior/emotion and cope with mental illness:
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Practice Radical Acceptance
Having radical acceptance means knowing that no matter the outcome, you can’t change the situation. It’s not your fault to have a mental illness, but you cannot deny your feelings but accept, and love, yourself for who you are.
2. Take Deep Breaths
This action can seem overplayed or cliché, but it is one of the best ways to reduce anxiety according to the National Alliance on Mental Health.
Breathing Exercise:
- Breathe in for 5 seconds
- Hold your breath for 3 seconds
- Breathe out for 7 seconds
This mini breathing exercise sends signals to the brain letting it know that everything is ‘okay.’ Your heart rate will also decrease to a steady level and you’ll begin to feel more relaxed.
3. Embrace the Five Senses
Also known as grounding, this can be done in a matter of seconds and can keep you in the present as you run through each of your five senses. When confronted with feelings of self blame, you can begin this technique by observing around you. Start to feel out the objects that are in physical contact with your body (such as the seat that you may be sitting on). Listen to your surroundings. Smell the aroma that’s around you. Taste the food that you are possibly eating or chew a piece of gum. By running through the five senses, it will keep you more focused in the present.
4. Reframe Your Thoughts
According to NAMI, mental reframing is the process of looking at an emotion or stressor in a new and positive way. For example, you received a poor score for an exam. Instead of blaming yourself for the failure, you can think of it as an opportunity to make room for improvement. This means noticing and fixing the mistakes that were made so that you feel confident the next time you take an exam. After practicing this technique and perfecting it, you will change your perspective and come up with a solution to the problem with ease.
5. Emotion Awareness
Don’t deny your emotions. If you feel angry, be angry. If you feel sad, be sad. Take full acceptance of your emotions. We must recognize these emotions as they happen. By having this type of awareness over your emotions you will be able to respect your emotions and not blame yourself for them. When feeling angry, listen to calming music. When feeling sad, participate in something that you enjoy.
6. Practicing self-forgiveness
Learning to respond to your feelings about your mental disorder in new ways allows you to cope with the self-blame behavior. By practicing and mastering some of the techniques above, we can feel more confident and positive in how we feel physically and mentally. No one is perfect and your mental health conditions don’t define who you are.
- Self-forgiveness Affirmations:
I’m letting go of shame and guilt.
I’m capable of moving on from things that went wrong.
I release frustration and anger.
I accept the past as it is.
I am still respectful towards myself.
References
NAMI Editors. (2022). Individuals with mental illness. NAMI. https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Individuals-with-Mental-Illness
Emmie Pombo. (2019, February 1). Self-help techniques for coping with mental illness. NAMI. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/january-2019/self-help-techniques-for-coping-with-mental-illness
Zahn, R., Lythe, K. E., Gethin, J. A., Green, S., Deakin, J. F., Young, A. H., & Moll, J. (2015). The role of self-blame and worthlessness in the psychopathology of major depressive disorder. Journal of affective disorders, 186, 337–341. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2015.08.00
